The Woman’s Role In The Home | Kim Miller

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Transcript

Welcome And Series Context

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Well, we greet each one in the precious name of Jesus today. It has been good to be here. Thank you, Bo, for that devotion. It goes well with what the sermon is today. It's on the role of the woman's role in the home. It's the fourth, um, it's our last sermon of the series of the family. Um I hope you're not tired of hearing about the family. I'm almost tired of studying about it. Um, no, it's it's all good. Uh, it's good for me. But if we'd all do what Bo said this morning, be kind to each other, we'd we'd all get along well with each other. So that was that was that was good. So the um, yeah, the title is The Woman's Role in the Home. And I think what we'll do the first, of course, um, we're just gonna look at what's a of course, we think of godly women. We have many godly women in in our we are blessed with strong women in our church. And I just want to affirm you as as um as women in the church here. I'm not preaching this message because I think there's a huge need in our church. It's just good for us to keep reminding ourselves the roles in the church. We are blessed with strong families. So I'd just like to take the first part of the sermon, you might think, Kim, you're not very practical. And that's probably right. Um, the first part is that you know, we're gonna touch a little bit about the uh Proverbs 31 woman,

Godly Womanhood Not Perfection

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of course. And and in our eyes, that isn't very practical, but yet God has it in the scriptures for us. So when we think of a uh a godly uh woman, I'm not sure what you think about. Uh do you think of this perfect woman that has everything in order? Uh, she sits every morning with her coffee in front of her and reads the Bible for for an hour, prays for a half hour, has all the children ready for school on time, and just everything just goes smoothly. All the children are in a row waiting for the bus out the side of the road. You know, that's a perfect scenario. And once in a while we achieve that, maybe. Um, but that's not what we're looking at for the women this morning. A perfect marriage. I don't know what you think about a perfect marriage. Um, but this is what I found. A perfect marriage is one where the husband and wife are constantly learning and growing. Even when they make mistakes, there's lots of forgiving each other and striving to become a stronger couple while following God's plan for their life and pointing the rest of their family to following God as well. That's a perfect family. A perfect family is recognizing we're not perfect and forgiving each other. It takes a lot of repentance and forgiveness in a marriage, in a family. And later on, we have a saying when people divorce, it's not necessarily they fall out of love, it's more they fall out of forgiveness and repentance. They quit forgiving each other and repenting of their faults.

Heart Character Over Appearance

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So, just a few characteristics of a godly woman. Uh, she has a personal relationship with God. A godly woman doesn't just rely on what she hears at church, but she cultivates itself. She is in the word at home, and and she is um personal, has her personal relationship with God, spending time daily in the Bible and seeking God's will in every area of her family's life. She's a humble woman, a godly woman is a humble woman. She's not obsessed with materialism or obsessed with her beauty, even though us men like beauty, don't we? We like a beautiful woman. Your beauty should not come from the outward adornment, says 1 Peter 3:3 and 4. But rather it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. But there is certainly nothing wrong with good looks or wearing nice clothes. Women love to look beautiful, and there's nothing wrong with that. But the inner beauty is more important than the outer outward. The beauty of the heart is much more important than the outward adornment. She cares about the heart more than she cares about the outer appearance. The law 1 Samuel 16, 7b. It says the Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. So a godly woman knows the godly character matters more than the outward appearance. A godly wife is committed to her family. Titus 2, verse 4 and 5. Then they can urge the younger women, talking about the older women. I like, I love this verse. It says, Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. What I love about that verse is not so much about what it's saying, but it's coming from the older woman, older women in the church. I love that picture where we have the older women that have experience are teaching the younger women. There are a lot of distractions in our world that can make us lose sight of God, our families, and the things that matter the most. There's so many voices today in the world around us. I think we all recognize that. And I encourage you if you're a young mom this morning and motherhood looks overwhelming, and I understand it can look overwhelming. I would suggest just maybe go down to just a few voices that you're listening to. Whatever it might be, find voices that are trustworthy, voices that you can trust, and just go by what those are saying instead of listening to a lot of different voices. Godly wives put their husbands and their children first instead of always looking for her fulfillment and joy at other places. She realizes how much family matters and does everything she can to take to make the Lord the first priority in her home. That is so important. Caring about your family and the relationship with the Lord. She is kind and compassionate to others. I think that comes naturally for, I didn't ask Monica, but I feel mothers more naturally are kind and caring for others. She speaks with wisdom, Proverbs 31, 26. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue. So, in other words, a virtuous wife is encouraging and speaks positively to everyone she encounters. A guided woman wife isn't consumed with gossip, complaining, and negativity. Instead, she's a wife of noble character who reflects God's love, even when it isn't easy to do so. We're not always in the mood to be in a to be compassionate or to be an encourager. But here it says that is a characteristic of a godly woman. She respects her husband well. An excellent Proverbs 12:4. An excellent, and we'll be talking about this a little bit uh later as well. Proverbs 12:4, an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she has but she who shames him is a rottenness in his bones. Of course, if you're one, if you're a godly wife, it is easier to be a godly wife if you have a godly husband. But what's interesting, the Bible, even if you don't have a godly husband, it asks you to respect your husband, even if he is not a Christian. A godly wife gives her family and her husband a good reputation. She speaks positively about her husband whenever she can and does what she can to bring an intimate relationship between herself and her husband that creates a strong foundation for the family. She is brave and fears God above all. Proverbs 31:30. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Marriage can be tough at times. I think we all know that. Marriage doesn't come easy at times. When we disagree or when we're going through a season of struggle. Always anchor your relationship in your family with your relationship with God. She leans on the Lord in her everyday life and knows that God will work all things together for good, even the seasons of life that are hard. So we see what a godly woman looks like is not perfection. A godly woman isn't necessarily a perfective perfect woman, but a woman that hers her ground is grounded in God. In Proverbs, we see the picture that it paints of a godly woman. The virtues of a godly wife haven't changed over thousand over the last thousand years. They're still the same today as they were back when uh Proverbs was written. A godly wife is one who has the complete trust of her husband. Complete trust of her husband. He is confident of her support and sincere love because she is not critical. Her husband has a good reputation in the community, and it's because of her that he has that good reputation. A godly wife is very sharing. A godly wife doesn't worry about the future. That sometimes is a tough one because she has confidence in her relationship with God. Proverbs 31 says she smiles at the future. She smiles at the future.

Submission As Equal Roles

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But we've talked about submissive, and I want to paint that picture a little different than what we normally hear. That that word sometimes I don't know what it does when you hear submissive. Does it just kind of like grind you? I don't know. But all submissive is what the Bible is talking about is just recognizing your husband as the leader. Your husband's the leader. Your equals. You're you're all your equals, you just have different roles, but the husband is the leader, and that's what the submissive submissive means here. The Bible teaches that Jesus submits to his father. Just as Jesus submitted to the father, that's how the wife is submitting to her husband. Jesus is equal to the father. So the wife is equal to the husband as well. There's their equals, they just have different roles. Christians know that Christ is every bit as divine as the Father and the Holy Spirit, but each plays a different role in redemption. In the same way, men and women each play a different part in marriage. Submissing isn't always easy. It isn't always easy. Christ knew the Father's way was best. A godly wife may find the path of submissiveness, painful at times, but following God will always result in spiritual rewards that last for eternity. First Timothy 4, 7 and 8. Have nothing to do with irrevolent, silly myths. Rather, train yourself for godliness. For while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. So we see in the Bible, um, we're equals. There is no, there's just different roles. If a woman does struggle with submissiveness and just isn't willing to do that, it probably is a reflection of her relationship with Jesus, where she probably struggles to submit to his will as well. So a woman that struggles to submit to her husband is probably struggling in some deeper, deeper relationships with God.

Respect That Feeds Marriage

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Now I'd like to go a little bit more practical. We we've gone through um what we would maybe call not quite as practical applications. I would like to bring this down to earth a little bit more. Uh, there's three things I would like to touch on this morning. Uh, one is respect respecting husbands, building up the husband, and then being the helper to your husband. And what that all looks like. Um, Proverbs says, He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 31, 10 through 2012 says, and an excellent wife who can find she is far more precious than jewels. Jewels are rare, so a good wife is rare, right? It's hard. If you find a good wife, you found a jewel. She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not harm all the days of her life. As we know very well, men and women are created very different, radically different. Therefore, their functions are different as well. To the women, if you want to access your husband's heart, the key in a relationship in marriage is knowing how to access your partner's heart, right? For the women, if you want to access your husband's heart, your man's heart, you do it through his body. To the men, if you want to access your women's woman's heart, you do it through their emotions. Think of that. You do it through the woman's emotions. Men for the women, emotional intimacy leads to physical intimacy. Women for the men, physical intimacy leads to emotional intimacy. Now, when we say say some of these things, we're talking general. We're not talking, but I'm sure there's there's uh how do I want to there's there's times when this might not be accurate, but this is in general relationships, is what we're talking. Women need to feel beautiful, men need to feel capable, women need to feel beautiful. Men, make your wife feel beautiful. They don't always feel beautiful, I know they don't, but you can help them feel beautiful. Men don't always feel capable, they need to feel capable in order to lead. Women, you have the power to make them feel capable. I don't know, I know we've probably talked before about the woman's power, and uh, I tell my wife sometimes it's almost scary how much power those women have over us men, but they do. They can control us, and it's not all wrong, it's not all bad. How many of you women have been stopped by the cop already and didn't get a ticket? I know of some that have already. They talked a little sweet to them, and they might have got a warning. So women do have power, it can't be abuse, it can't be manipulation, and it shouldn't be manipulation in a in a in a marriage, but they have a power to help their husband. The man should be the loving head of the home, the woman should be the respectful helper. So, what does it look to respect your husband? Respect is what women can do to feed their marriage. Respect is esteeming his God-given role as the head of your home. You speak and act toward him with honor, and you want to elevate him. Respect fills a man's tank, it fills a man's tank. Men don't run on love. Men don't run on love, men run on respect. When a man feels respected from his wife, he'll feel loved. It makes him feel capable. When a man is respected from his wife, it makes him feel capable and he will feel loved. Women might at times feel frustrated, they feel like they're doing all this work, but they don't feel loved. So, and that can very much happen. Um women work hard. I'm not gonna, we're talking about the women today on doing, so I'm not gonna dwell a lot on that, but don't try to love your husband like you want to be loved. Don't try to love your husband the way you want to be loved, respect him the way he needs to be respected. Respect him the way he needs to be respected. Respecting him is actually a command in the Bible, Ephesians 5 33. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, talking to the men. But then it says, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Doesn't say if he deserves it or not, it just says, respect your husband. 1 Peter 3:1 says, Likewise, wives, be submissive. Uh, I'm sorry, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word. Talking about the non-Christian here, even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. And I've know of relationships where the man was not a Christian, but he became a Christian because his wife stayed faithful, she showed him respect, and it drew him back. It's not that he earned it, he didn't deserve it, but she did it anyway. Even when a husband is not a Christian, the wife is asked to respect her husband. Never degrade your husband in front of others, and especially not in front of your children, and not in public when he's with you, especially as well. There's a few nevers here, and never gossip about your husband when you're alone with your friends. There is something about going through struggles where you need to talk with somebody. I recognize that. There's nothing wrong with that. We need that, but when it's gossip, never gossip about your husband when you're alone with your friends. You cannot disrespect a man into being respectful. Let me rephrase that. You cannot disrespect a man into respectability, you cannot disrespect him until he's worthy of it. It probably won't happen. When you respect your husband, you communicate that I trust you. A man will run through a fire if his wife and family make him feel respected. That's true. A man will lay down his life for his family if he feels respected. I don't question whether every I don't question the men at all hearing that. The men love their families. And when they feel the respect and trust, they will run through a firepoint. It builds them up. How do you build up your husband?

Build Him Up With Your Words

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Proverbs 18, 21. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. There's gonna be fruit both ways, whether you degrade the husband or whether you you talk, whether you build them up, there will be fruit either way. Men can't lead if their helper doesn't build them up. I am also I recognize that a husband needs to have his wife in position that she can have the ability to respect him too. This is so much you can't just say a wife needs to respect the husband, right? It sounds like it's all the wife's fault. It's not. A wife needs to respect her husband. The husband needs to love the wife. It's like a I had the for some reason got a picture this weekend of a door hinge with a pin. You know, you have a hinge on the door, a hinge on the jam. The pin in the middle, I look at that as God holding you together. If you take that pin out, the door will fall apart, right? Even when that pin stays in there, oh that door needs a little grease once in a while, right? Even if you have God in your life, we're still human. So you gotta wear, so you need the the I look at the grease as you gotta stay in the word. That's greasing the hinge, gotta be in your prayer life. That keeps that that hinge will last for years if you stay in the word, both of you. So that's where that's where the struggle is for me this morning. We're really talking to the women this morning, but the men need to have the have the give the women capability to be respectful. But yeah, the women do need to build up the man, so he loves her, right? So it's it's a two-way streak. It's just like Bo said this morning, be kind to each other, and that'll go a long way. So I don't want to come, I don't want to come across as one-sided here where the women have to respect, and that's gonna fix everything. No, it doesn't work that way. There's two in the there's two in this relationship, and then you got God. You got to keep God in the relationship. But I can say there are relationships that aren't Christian that have lasted for years too. So there are some things in marriage. It don't get me wrong, it's very important to have God in your in your marriage, but there are couples that have for years lived together, got along well with each other because they love and respected each other. And maybe they were never Christians. So love and respect goes a long way in in building in this relationship. I had sent out a message uh about some res uh trying to get responses from you. You men are stubborn, I tell you what. I I got a few, but not not many. But I had a good one this morning. I'm not gonna say who it was. This is a response from one of them. He says, My wife is my equal partner, not only in raising our family, but also in my growth. I have grown tremendously in the last several years as she has found her voice in speaking the truth about what she sees in me. She gently but firmly calls me up when my actions are out of align with my values. Our wives can sometimes detect that sooner than we are, than we can. Our wives know us inside and out. So it's good to listen to them, all right? Here, and he says, She is a critical decision-making partner, often providing insight and perspective. I'm missing her thriving, has little to do with a list of expectations from what for wives, and far more to do with her embracing her unique femin giftings, and that is so true. Women, they know us men very well, they know what we need, they know what we need, and it is good for us to listen to our wives. Another response that I had gotten was had to do with the love and respect. When us men feel respected, we feel loved. I think I think we can all identify with that. So, how do we build up our husbands? Tell you what, just a few practical ways that you can do is praise your husband for just the little things that he does. It might be, it might be just, you know, well, not the little thing is to go to work every day, but when you buy groceries, thank him once in a while. Or maybe he let out in prayer at home. Thank him. Just let him know that you appreciate that. Affirm his fatherhood with the children when you see him. Just let them know that you you you appreciate that. Once in a while, tell him his big biceps, that'll help too. Now, once you're 50, they cart kind of start disappearing. So I understand if that doesn't happen, but um it helps still though, if you if they if if they make you look like you're handsome, right? Uh if they make uh if they say something that makes you feel a little bit like you're handsome. As we said, your wives know us in and out. So you guys know, you you ladies know what we need as far as uh encouragement and build being built up. Whatever you affirm multiplies, if you compliment him and you affirm he's doing a great job, I tell you what, that man will want to keep doing a good job for you. But whatever you criticize, it mastizes. I didn't know what that word means, but I I this is not original with me. But it's like cancer, it spreads. So if you if you're critical with your husband, it'll probably get worse. If you just a husband's it, they we tend to wear down if we're not. We we're little babies sometimes. We need a little encouragement. So stop seeing the speck in your partner's eyes. This goes both ways because we might have that beam in our own eyes. Proverbs 19:13 through 14 a foolish son is a ruin to his father, and a wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain. House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. So it does us men get worn down once in a while. So don't be critical with your husband, don't compare your husband to another man, it's not healthy. Pursue your husband. Us men like to be pursued, pursue your husband. When a woman keeps encouraging her man, because us men don't always feel like we're capable, we don't, but when a woman keeps encouraging her man, he'll start believing in his heart that he's actually capable. He will. We'll eventually believe that. We'll start believing that, and it won't take very long. If you're an encouragement, if you're his cheerleader, the man will soon start to be feeling capable. Proverbs 12:4. We read this before: an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is little is like rottenness in his bones. Encouragement in the mouth of the wife is strong in the heart of the husband. A man wants to be proud of his wife. Her opinion of him means more than anyone else says or thinks about him. If you do something, men, if we as men do something and we get complimented by our wives, whatever it might have been, most times we don't really care what others think as long as she is proud of you. Wives, you give him a crown, and he's going to become a king. The woman is the crown of her husband, the crown of his life. Every wife is going to end up either being the launch pad or the lid of your husband. That's a pretty strong statement, but it's true. You'll be either the launching pad for your husband, or you can be the lid that keeps him stuff down. Told you you guys have power. All right, you do. Proverbs 31, 23. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. If you see a man that has a wife and he's very successful, that success normally doesn't come just from him. He had a great support, a great helper. So, what as the helper? What

Helper Strength Through Life Seasons

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what's what how do we look at the helper as the wife as the helper? Psalm 23 says this is about the Lord being our helper. Psalm 33, 23, 22. Our soul waits for the Lord, he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you. The Holy Spirit is also our helper. John 14, 26. But the helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all things I have said to you. So, what does the helper do in a marriage? The helper supplies strength to the one that needs help. Very simple. The helper supplies strength to the one that needs help. You are called to give strength to the areas that your husband is weak in. Genesis 2, 18. We've read this before. The Lord said, the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. First Corinthians 11 9 says, Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. The woman is a helper to her husband, as scripture says, She is made for her for the man. God has prepared you for a man. That is almost hard to believe. But the woman you have is actually prepared. God prepared her for you. He didn't prepare you for her, he prepared her for you. Women, your husband needed a very specific wife, and you are that wife. Claim that. You are that wife. Your husband needs you. You're his helper. Don't let your feelings or the culture that we're living in dictate your feelings, how you look at being the helper. Be a student of your husband, and vice versa. Husbands, we need to be a student of our wives. Ask your husband what he needs. I'm not going to go deep into this, but wives, you probably manage your home. You're probably the managers of your home. That will look differently for different people, for different families, on what all that uh what that all looks like. It is politically incorrect, but biblically correct. The husband is oriented toward his calling and the marketplace. The wife is oriented toward her husband and the home. Politically, that's incorrect, but biblically, that that is correct. Every wife is going to end up being, as we had talked, the launch pad or his lid. Men can have all the talent and all the smarts that they need and yet not get very far in the marketplace due to the lack of help and encouragement from his wife. But as I as we talked earlier, the husband needs to figure out how can I position my wife so that she can be the helper? So it's it's a two-way street. Helping is different in different seasons of life. Question Is it wrong for the wife to work outside the home? That's a question we ask sometimes. But in Proverbs 31, we see that woman was involved in the marketplace. So as I said, in different phases of life, it looks different to be the helper. The Bible says the main thing is that the wife's heart is toward her family and her husband, her family, her husband and her family. So there's nothing wrong with a woman having a job. As I said, there's different stages of a life that there's times in life where it's not practical for the woman to be out and have a job. Then there's other times where it is practical and it's a very good help. Women feel safe when their husbands bend their knees and worship to God. It brings a security to the women when they see us as husbands recognize there is a higher power than us. And I believe it makes it easier for them to submit to our leadership when we when they see that. Talking about the women's emotions, every man needs to conquer the emotions, emotions of his wife. If not, her emotions will dominate the family, the home. When the wife's emotions are out of control, her husband, the husband needs to learn how to lead her out of those emotions. That's very true. As we talked about, getting to the wife's heart is through her emotions. But as husbands, it's very important that we learn how to lead her through some of those emotions. Sometimes women are very dedicated to what they're doing or whatever they're involved in. But at times they're so, how do I want to say it's actually hurting them? So that's when sometimes us husbands need to make the hard decisions of helping us, help making decisions for our wives to lead them through. And maybe I know of a situation where um it was a podcast I was listening, listening to, and and that um it was a pastor and his wife, and she was involved in children's ministry in the church, and she was so busy. But it was kind of her identity, and but he saw it was hurting her to the point where she almost went into a depression, and he made the decision to take her out of children's ministry. It was hard for her at first, but after a couple of years, she's like, that was the best decision. So, as husbands, need to be

Repent, Forgive, And Move Forward

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we need to be um sensitive to that. Just going into the wrap-up here, um, just a few things. Uh talking about marriage. When we fail, it's important that we repent to each other. It's very important. Even when you have little spats, it's important that you repent. But then move on. Don't, don't, don't dwell on those. Just move on, just forget about it. If it's something serious, yes. But if it's a flare-up at home where it happens, it does happen. Or you're frustrated with something that happened, you just kind of lose it, fly off the handle a little bit. Repent and move on. Forget about it. More than 70% of divorces are initiated by women now. That's what they say. More than 70% of divorces are initiated by women now. Often divorces happen due to little disputes piling up without being without repentance and forgiving each other. That's how it wears on you. If you if you if you have little disputes, they just pile up. You need to tell each other. If your husband, if your wife, if you're annoying to each other, the husband might not know. The wife might not know. But tell each other. Because it's a dispute. You have to forgive each other. You have to have to work through that. Otherwise, things pile up, and all at once there's an explosion. That's how it works. As we said earlier, when a couple divorces, it's not that they fell out of love, but they let the wedge of unrepentance and unforgiveness drive them apart. The more we lean to the commands of the Bible, the less they are burdensome to us. I think that's very important that we embrace the teachings of the Bible on relationships with our wife, uh, with each other. They are life-giving. The commands of the Bible are life-giving and not oppressive, like the world likes to view them. There's three different kinds of marriages that we can have. You can be two takers, you can each be a taker in your marriage. If that's the case, there's going to be battles all the time. Or you can have one giver and one taker, but then the giver's gonna feel finally like abused, because the other one just takes all the time. Or you can have two givers, and that's a blessing. Be two givers, blessing each other, honoring each other, be a student of your partner. When I say student of your partner, be sensitive to the needs of your partner, whether it's emotional, physical, whatever it might be, be sensitive to the needs and serve each other in that way. Honor each other with the needs that they have. So the husband needs to use his authority to lovingly bless his home. Lead with let's. Like let's do do it together. Not we're a team. Husband and wife is a team. I want to close with this. Wives should not be surprised when leaders start leading, and husbands should not be surprised when helpers start helping. Lord bless you as we go forth. Strong families make strong communities, strong communities make strong states or however. It just goes out. Finally, you have a strong country. I think that's a reflection of our country right now. The state that we're in is it's showing that we our family structures are being destroyed. When God is removed, it can fastly fast deteriorate. Let's bow for a word of prayer. God, we thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for the strong families in our church. I just pray that you would give us grace as we go from day to day. Lord, life happens, things happen, unexpected things happen, Father. But Lord, we know that with your help, we can have strong families. And thank you so much for your goodness to us. Go with us now as you go from here, pray your blessing upon each one in Jesus' name. Amen. Lord bless you.